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Friday, December 19, 2008

Beyond the Music

Beyond the Music

Volume 81, Episode 4. Gn’B reunion.

Narrator: After an eight year ‘hiatus’, Gn’B, one of the most successful bands of the 70s, indeed all time, emerged from the from ash heap of rock history for an even more successful 2nd career act. It may never have happened if a mutual friend did not heal the breech between two of Rocks biggest stars…

Excerpt from “The Eltin the Bard Show”, Christmas Day, 682 AD

Eltin: Our next guest doesn’t really need an introduction. He’s half of the biggest band in history, an internationally recognized superstar, and now, with his third album, a major solo artist in his own right. A towering giant; No, literally, a towering giant. Please welcome my next guest, Grendel.

Audience: [Applause][Hoot]

Eltin: Please have a seat, buddy.

Grendel: My pleasure, man.

Eltin: So, what have you been doing with yourself?

Grendel: Well, once we cut the new album, I wanted to unwind. So I went up to the north country. Some friends of mine told me about some bridges.

Eltin: You’ve always been passionate about bridges…

Grendel: … that’s right. Well, the architecture there is not what you generally see. It was a really great time.

Eltin: And everything I’ve heard recently about bridge tolls and the odd massacre?

Grendel: That has nothing to do with me. I’ve been on the wagon. They should be looking for some other troll.

Eltin: OK. Fair enough. If you go just by the music, it sounds like you are in a really groovy place.

Grendel: I’m in a great place, Eltin. Everything is so right. I mean, after everything that has happened, you get to a point where you look back and you’ve learned your lessons, and you can draw on that…

Eltin: Right.

Grendel: … They say that life is wasted on the young, and I understand that now. If I knew back then what I know now…

Eltin: I can’t just leave that hanging. Are you talking about Gn’B?

Grendel: I’m talking about my whole life, and that is a part of it. I wish I could have done things differently. There comes a day when you want to make things right.

Eltin: So, are you saying you’re open to burying the hatchet?

Grendel: Well, I can only speak for myself.

Eltin: And you do realize that you’re partner did vow to slay you when the band broke up?

Grendel: What people have to understand about that is that I was not the same troll back then. I mean, Beowulf had his reasons. I did eat most of the roadies that night and several members of the audience who wandered back stage.

Eltin: How was that different than any of your concerts?

Grendel: I think people buy into the myths of what went on back then. Hardly anyone was ever killed at our concerts, and even then, the ‘victims’ were always roadies planted in the audience. They were well payed. The audience almost always went home unmaimed.

Eltin: …hmmm…

Grendel: Things just got out of hand.

Eltin: I see. Well are you going to play something for us today?

Grendel: Sure. You are going to have to lend me 'The Lute and Snare Players', though. I didn’t bring the band.

Eltin: They’re home for the holidays, but I’ll go you one better. I’ll take the snare myself.

Grendel: That’s fine.

Eltin: And I’m sure we can dig up a lute player on show like this. Who have we got backstage?
[Beowulf Enters!]

Audience: [Screach] [Hoot] [Howl] [Faint]

Eltin: Beowulf of Wægmund, Ladies and Gentlemen!

Beowulf: What do ya say, big G? For old time sake?

Eltin: I think he’s too overcome to speak. Let’s hope he’s not too overcome to sing.

----

Beowulf: …2…3…4….
♪♫...♪♫♫♪..♫♪…♪♫♪♫

Grendel:
Chasin you;

down a muddy road
If I don’t eat you;
I might explode
And when I get you;
you’ll feel something
You better worry;
cause I'm coming

I'm a Troll, man
♪♫♫♪♪♪
I'm a Troll, man ♪♫♫♪♪
I'm a Troll, man ♪♫♫♪♪♪
I'm a Troll, man ♪♫♪♪♪

Got what I got;
the hard way
If you’re on my bridge;
you’re goin’ to pay
Don’t believe me?
this ain’t a threat
Cause this will be;
your last regret

I'm a Troll, man ♪♫♫♪♪♪
I'm a Troll, man
Play it B! ♪♫♫♪♪
I'm a Troll, man ♪♫♫♪♪♪
I'm a Troll, man ♪♫♪♪♪

Listen

Now I see you;

as some sweet meat
I’m going to cook you;
you will retreat
I like to slash;
I like to chop
When I start maimin';
I just can't stop

I'm a Troll, man
♪♫♫♪♪♪
I'm a Troll, man ♪♫♫♪♪
I'm a Troll, man ♪♫♫♪♪♪
I'm a Troll, man ♪♫♪♪♪

Bind you with rope;
and I'll drag you in
Take your hope;
and stick you in my oven
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
♪♫...♪♫♫♪..♫♪…♪♫♪♫
..♫♪…♪♫♪♫ ♪♫...♪♫♫♪

I'm a Troll, man ♪♫♫♪♪♪ Growl
I'm a Troll, man ♪♫♫♪♪ ROAR!!
Beowulf:You're a Troll; man! ♪♫♫♪♪♪
Grendel:I'm a Troll, man ♪♫♫♪♪ GROAARR!!!!!!!!!!

I'm a Troll, man ♪♫♫♪♪♪ BRARRGGHHHH!!! [Froth]
I'm a Troll, man ♪♫♪♪♪ [Berserk rage/runs into audience]

Beowulf and Eltin: Grendel, NOooooooooo!

Audience: [Shriek][Flee]

Narrator: Indeed there was still a load of compromising on the road to Gn’B’s Rock and Roll Horizon. But the lights did shine down that day on a new era of music... and ‘Beyond the Music’ was there.

Monday, December 8, 2008

The True Meaning of Christmas

Little Mickey: Mr. Crooner, Is Christmas about Santa or is it about the Baby Jesus?

Mr. Crooner: Mickey, a lot of kids your age ask this question…

Little Mickey: Really Mr. Crooner!

Mr. Crooner: Yes, they do, Timmy…

Little Mickey: Mickey!

Mr. Crooner: …Right…

♪♫
Many have asked the question,
What is this Christmas for?
Should we leave cookies for Santa,
Go to church, or head for the store?

Little Mickey: Different grown ups tell me different things!

Mr. Crooner: They sure do, Tommy…

♪♫
If only someone could lead us,
Guide us and show us the way,
Protect us from folly,
And help us be jolly,
Decide when to laugh, when to pray…

Little Mickey: Yeah!

Mr. Crooner: Well it turns out, Bobby, that we’ve always had people to show us the way, but it wasn’t until the late 70s that we understood who they were.

Little Mickey: Who are they?

Mr. Crooner: Well I’ll tell you, Teddy…


♪♫
Thought they were, three wisemen,
Coming from a far,
Thought they were, three wisemen,
Guided by a star,

Thought they were, three wisemen,
Kings of orient,
But hyperspace they travelled,
From orbit they descent,

Christmas is for Jedi,
Sabres burning bright,
Guarding Jesus’ manger,
Bathing it with light!

Who can Santa turn to,
When toys pass a war zone,
A phalanx of Light Sabers,
Will help him set the tone!

Christmas is for Jedi,
Guarding us from fear,
Bringing action figures,
Spreading Christmas cheer!

Who could make a nice list
For jolly old St. Nick,
He’ll just call a Jedi,
And ask for a mind trick!

Christmas is for Jedi,
Wisdoms hearty source,
Crushed the awesome Death Star,
Users of the Force!


Who shall be the heralds,
Of toys and also peace?
Jedi meditation,
Precedes their bomb release!

Oh! Christmas is for Jedi
Fill the malls with song,
O Jolly, you will be!
Yoda can’t be wrong!

Oh! Christmas is for Jedi,
Witness the Virgin Birth,
They’ve seen one already,
Before they came to earth!
♪♫

Mr. Crooner: And that is what Christmas is all about, Freddy.

Little Mickey: I’m more confused now than I was before.

Mr. Crooner: …Right…

(c) Mr. Crooner and Old Murphy, 2008