No, You Can't

Dear President Magical Unicorn,

Remember when you going to solve all our problems by the magic of your pure awesomeness(tm)?

Millenia of fighting in the middle east would stop once you simply furrowed you Harvard brow. People who clung to God or Guns were going to move to San Fran, and learn their ABCs: Acid, Bree, and Cornholing. After all, who needs Jesus, when they have Jesus+?

Well that uncomfortable sensation in your lower intestine; that's Scott Brown's truck. You better call your proctologist.

Now, if you were Clinton, I couldn't write that: the comeback kid would make me eat my words.

You, on the other hand are democracy's most sucessful lightweight dilletante. You've never had anything denied you in life, much less taken a punch. You're done. Don't let the door strike you in your truck port on the way out.