The New President

Many people have asked me about my thoughts about the topic of the day: Barack Obama.

A lot of people assume that I am going to take issue with the spectrum of his politics. Something does irk me, but that is not it. Here is what I think of you, Barack Obama:

"Your mother was white. A Margaret Mead style globe traipsing spoiled dilettante. She was related to the Cheney's, the Bushes and the Trumans. My mom was a homemaker.

Your father was black, but the grandson of an African chief, NOT an African American. An accomplished government man. No descendant of a slave. There is no slavery in your history. My dad was a pipefitter.

Where am I going with this?

Nobody in your family was enslaved, impoverished, or ever had cause to expect anything short of a life of great possibility that generally exceeded the surrounding proletariat.

My ancestry is littered with people who fought and toiled to build a British Empire and in return the Empire gave us a plot of rocks in the Canadian Shield to farm.

What am I driving at?

You are a heralded graduate of Columbia, and Harvard Law. You were heralded practically before you arrived. You have been celebrated wherever you went for jobs that your friends and family procured, and positions where your accomplishments are relatively meagre.

I've never been a household name in my own household.

What do I mean? Just this:

I AM BLACKER THAN YOU, BARACK OBAMA!

You are a fraud. My family is filled with cast out black haired Irish. Your family soup bowl is clogged with silver spoons. You're whiter than Nathan Bedford Forrest's ghost.

You're a phony. You say you’re going to fight the man. You are the man!

You are a charlatan. You're life is as privileged as George W. Bush's. There is no difference between dad's friends getting you the Presidency or Oprah getting it for you. You are as mobbed up in the U.S. waspish community as W. You're just a Montague instead of a Capulet. Different network, same traffic: privilege.

To say that your skin tone innately conveys an experience of oppression and a history of indifference is simply racialist. More importantly, in your case it is also false.

In any event here is my throw down: Why don't you and I get a Karaoke machine and a James Brown CD and see just who is who and what is what. You are a blue blood Yankee Doodle phoney, Barry, and (Warning, double meaning ahead) you've been served.

Still More Advice

Dear OC,

I can't stand it when I have to listen to people from other provinces like Atlantic Acadian God. Don't they know that the only reason we have provinces is so that Ontario can be one! And another thing: once we burn Toronto to the ground and drive out all those people who don't hold the same opinion as me, we'll be even better. Good lord, those Torontonians don't even have the common decency to drive Fords! Frothingly,

Cletus, Prince of Almonte.

Dear Cletus,

Your backwoods ramblings bring a tear to this old curmudgeons eye. However, your mind numbing alliegiance to Ford is just a bridge too far for my liking. If you ever choose to moderate any of your 19th century outlook, you may wish to start with that. Straighten Up and Fly Right,

OC

More Advice

Dear Old Curmudgeon,

Wherever I go, the people I left behind start screwing things up the moment I take my eyes off them. They babble on about stupid recipes and trebuchets. I keep telling them how pitiful and stupid they are, how they are letting their provincial GDP fall apart, but they never listen. Also, they stop calling me. I'm lonely. Sincerely,

Atlantic Acadian God

Dear Acadian,

Things can look different to every person depending on ones perspective. Now, if one is viewing the world through the wall of one's own colon, things can look pretty distorted. Set down the video games, pull your cranium out of the nether, straighten up, fly right. I'll call you sometime before Monday.

Old Curmudgeon.

Advice from Old Curmudgeon

Dear Old Curmudgeon,

Every time I check my RRSP statement, it is smaller. It makes me want to cry. I don’t know what to do. Do you think it’s time to get out of equities and move into something safer? Sincerely,

Financially Concerned

Dear Financially,

You are the exact kind of person that is bound to generate profit… for other people. Your weak kneed, lily liver attitude may be the problem; on the other hand, it may be a stupidity issue.

When everyone was making a profit, you followed the crowd and bought at the mountain top of the market. Now things are tough and you’re ready to play it safe… by selling at the deepest valley in the market.

Yes, it’s time for a gutless coward like you to get out of equities! Sell your shares directly to me. I’ll save you a commission.

On the other hand, this could be an opportunity for you. Maybe, instead you should get out your wallet and take advantage of one of the many idiots just like you. Of course, you’ll have to wipe the tears from your eyes first. You may have to straighten up and fly right. It’s really up to you.

Old Curmudgeon

Every Thing He Said is Just Wrong.

Let’s take this point by point:

No, I'm not getting married.

On the surface this seems truthful, but let’s face it, given your relationship to your family, marriage to any woman would be bigamy.

No, I'm not coming out of the closet I was never in, so thanks for asking.

Again, seemingly truthful, but if the love of dice and miniatures is as shameful today, as certain practices were in past, one sees the self delusion.

No, I'm not running for leader of the Liberal party. I have some standards.

This is one point on which Tom may have put forward, what in good faith, may have been thought factual. Unfortunately, putting ones hat into the figurative ring does not seem to be a criteria for candidacy, according to the 35 million names so far trial ballon-ed by the dailies. Tom should issue a clearer, definitive statement and join Frank McKenna as the second Canadian not running for the Liberal leadership.

So, what does that leave? Heaven help us all;;; a blog. I has a blog.

Close to factual. Webster’s defines a blog as: “an online diary; a personal chronological log of thoughts published on a Web page; also called Weblog”. What Tom seems to have is “an online diary; a personal chronological log of thoughts published on a Web page along with other people’s recipes.

Said blog does not, yet, have any content.

Yes there is! There are the recipes.

Since I have other forums on the Intertubes for my (most) geeky habits, this blog is likely to contain some of the other potpourri of my interests - things about language(s), history, my thoughts and observations, recipes, daily life, family news, some things about science, math, global warming (just for Derek), the economy, etc.

It says this blog is “likely” to contain a number of things. Let’s not kid ourselves. It will include more recipes and the diatribes of an aging curmudgeon. - From one AC to another.

Most of it might be links or pointers since I'm not really qualified to speak to most matters of complexity and import, but I do read a lot of folks who do have something to contribute. Perhaps some of these pointers will find a home.

This total disingenuousness is completely belied by how often you have thought you are qualified to speak on any number of matters, based on the number of times I have seen you speak.

There's another dimension to this project - optimism. I've allowed a ridiculous work schedule to erode many things in my life that were not work. I have also allowed my genetic predisposition for a bit of a grey or cynical outlook and a negative vibe to obtain an unpalatable foothold in my life. This blog, in some way, shall be about countering that trend with some optimism and hope. I'm not really planning in turning it into a discussion forum. I am going to try to link to some good things, some happy things, and some optimistic things. I'll let some other folks tear down the illusions and the imaginings of a better future. I'm tired of that job and it is time to move in a new direction.

I just can’t even go here!

Again, not much to see right now, but you can join up as a follower (not my term - there's not a follower in the lot of you). I think you can subscribe too if you happen to have an RSS reader. I don't have any post-to-email gadgetry yet or any post-to-twitter bits either. That sort of thing may come later. I'm also not fond of the look and feel yet, but I have to have time and energy to deal with that, so that's a winter project. I'm not sure how often I'll post, but if I can get some sort of email notification up, you might not have to check back - the posts may find you (that is, assuming any degree of faint interest....).

I’m running out of time, but I think the rest of you see where I am going with this.