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Dear Old Curmudgeon,

Wherever I go, the people I left behind start screwing things up the moment I take my eyes off them. They babble on about stupid recipes and trebuchets. I keep telling them how pitiful and stupid they are, how they are letting their provincial GDP fall apart, but they never listen. Also, they stop calling me. I'm lonely. Sincerely,

Atlantic Acadian God

Dear Acadian,

Things can look different to every person depending on ones perspective. Now, if one is viewing the world through the wall of one's own colon, things can look pretty distorted. Set down the video games, pull your cranium out of the nether, straighten up, fly right. I'll call you sometime before Monday.

Old Curmudgeon.